The Palm San Antonio

The Palm rolls out a 200+ bottle list that reads like a steakhouse wine playbook from 2010—heavy on Napa Cabs, a few Italian hits, and 18 by-the-glass options that won't surprise anyone. It's the wine equivalent of their caricature-covered walls: familiar, safe, and built for expense accounts.

California dominates here, particularly Napa Valley and Paso Robles, with Frank Family and DAOU leading the charge alongside the ubiquitous Rombauer Chardonnay. They throw in some Tuscan credibility with Gaja's Ca'Marcanda Promis, but the list plays it extremely safe—this is wine for people who order by recognition, not curiosity. Bottles run $47-$179, which sounds reasonable until you realize most of these retail for half that. No sommelier on staff means you're on your own navigating the crowd-pleasers.

Eighteen glass pours at $12-$45 cover the basics without much adventure. You'll find your standard Chardonnay, Pinot Noir, and Cabernet lineup—solid enough to pair with a New York strip but nothing that'll make you put down your phone. The range is functional, rotating seemingly never, which means you're getting the same pours whether you visit in January or July.