The Don CeSar

The Don CeSar is a 1920s beachfront icon with chandelier-lit dining rooms and rooftop views that deserve a wine program to match. Instead, you get the classic resort list: big California names, predictable French regions, and prices that assume you're not checking your phone under the table. This is a wine list designed for people who don't care about wine lists.

The selection reads like a corporate wine buyer's greatest hits from 2015. Heavy California presence—Caymus, Duckhorn, Jordan—alongside safe Bordeaux and Burgundy picks at steep markups. There's token Italy (Chianti Classico, Pinot Grigio) and a lonely Spanish section that probably hasn't been updated since the Obama administration. No natural wines, no adventurous producers, no sense that anyone's actually tasting these bottles or thinking about how they pair with Gulf Coast seafood. It's a list built for expense accounts and guests who just want "a nice Cab."

Glass pours lean heavily on the familiar: a couple Napa Cabs, a Malbec, maybe a Sancerre if you're lucky. Rotation appears nonexistent—these are anchor pours that sit on the list month after month. Prices hit the $18-$24 range for wines you'd find at Total Wine for $15 retail. We'd bet the bartenders pour more Tito's sodas than Chardonnay on any given night.